Breaking open my heart -- again

I looked at pictures of Aspen and John Denver today and cried. When I was fourteen years old I knew I wanted to be in Colorado and meet John Denver. My dream of moving to Colorado occurred three years later. I saw John quite a few times, spoke with him once, and last September worked with a dear friend of his and co-founder of the Windstar Foundation, Tom Crum. It was easy to fall in love with Tom, his wife, and his daughter, not to mention all those on his team.

Two years ago I moved to Steamboat Springs, Colorado and one of the very first people I met, if not the first one, was a shaman who worked on me and then I worked with him. It was months into our relationship that I found out that he and John had been really good friends. He had pictures of John. We even worked in Aspen together in 2008 and met many of John's friends. It was great hearing all the stories about him. People who knew him really loved him. And, of course, being with Tom Crum for five days last September was really a John Denver lovefest, among many other things.

I moved back to Texas last November after living in Colorado for 34 years. Looking at those pictures of Aspen broke open my heart. I remembered...I remembered how I fell in love with it as a young teenager and later as a woman just a few short years ago. I remembered walking the pedestrian mall, having lunch at Little Annie's with my shaman and talking over our day. I remember kissing under the street light with a lover, having a secret liaison in his condo, talking with the director at the Aspen Athletic Club to get my shaman into their facilities, setting up a TV shoot, and riding in a client's Porsche. I remember watching the lunar eclipse downtown with him and another client, freezing but not daring to leave. I remember the Aspen airport, removing chocks from the wheels of an airplane, wrapping up the bungee cords that tied the cloth around the wings and tail to keep ice from accumulating on them, and climbing up on the wing and sliding into the cockpit before takeoff. I remember the feel of the wheels on the runway as my lover pushed in the throttle. When he pulled back the yoke and raised the landing gear, we flew over the single-engines and the jets, and to this day it's still one of the most amazing memories of my life.

Aspen is my place of many secrets. My secret love life, my secrets with my shaman, my secret longings, my secret life with John Denver that very few know. It all has to be that way. Those experiences are too magical to put into words. It's all secret. And it's all so beautiful.

So, today I cried for Aspen. I longed for Aspen. I long for Aspen. Again. Will it ever stop? Maybe it's not supposed to.

It was an experience over Aspen that changed my life forever in 2004. It was John Denver that got me there and a friend's belief in me that took me to new heights. It was a starting point that led to another leap, leaving everything familiar and moving to the mountains.

It has always been Aspen that has moved me. It has always been John Denver that touched me. And today seeing pictures of both broke open my heart because it was too full to stay in one piece.