In Santa Fe...
For now...

Reinventing myself again...

Will I get it right this time, or have I always gotten it right and just been fine tuning all my life? I had this discussion with my daughter before leaving Texas. She, along with several others, were accusing me of running from things, places, situations, people, and I told her I see my life as a series of course corrections. I can't go wrong. I can't make mistakes. I just choose differently when I don't like where it looks like I'm headed.

I was feeling like life in McKinney was getting stagnant. I want to be surrounded by energy that resonates with me, and it felt like it stopped being that way for me there. That's all. I go where it feels good. Course correction. Tap of the rudder pedal, tug on the yoke... Whatever it takes to go in the direction that feels good to me. I go where it feels good, where it feels better, and now I'm discovering the best it can feel is within, to feel good because I can. To feel good because I am here, wherever here is. The place doesn't matter. Or, does it?

In McKinney, believe me a place I dearly love and people there I am totally in love with, it felt as if I walked in a fog. Was it me or the place, or both? What really got to me was the heat was so bad, the humidity so thick that I could not ever be outside. I'm not one who can be inside. I love being outside, hiking, biking, walking late at night or early in the morning, or even just in the middle of the day. I could never be outside without being concerned about having a heat stroke.

And the last night I was there I spent a lot of time crying, and fortunately the man I was with was being so understanding and kind to me, allowing me to cry at the bar at Square Burger and then in the arms of one of the owners. I love McKinney. I adore the people there, but it really was time for me to move on.

I showed up here in Santa Fe with few plans, and fully trusting that all is perfectly unfolding just for me and what I need while here. I don't feel I'll be here for long, or will I? Everything brings a question to me. I feel I have more questions than answers. I just know that seeing Birkenstocks and mountains is home to me. Sitting in a coffee shop with mismatched tables and chairs, cyclists tapping on the concrete floor with their shoes, lots of gray-haired women instead of dyed hairdos, organic coffee, sugar in the raw... home. These are my people. This is my place. There's a metaphysical bookstore in town even, something I haven't been to since living in Boulder county four years ago.

So, here I am, for however long I need to be here with whomever I need to be with, and I trust that all is unfolding perfectly before me. I just keep showing up with less material things and more of me. The less I own, the more I discover me. I am free, totally unattached, and loving unconditionally.

I'm here now...