making way for the new...

...that yearning for a new way will not produce it. Only ending the old way can do that.
You cannot hold onto the old all the while declaring that you want something new. The old will defy the new; the old will deny the new; the old will decry the new.
There is only one way to bring in the new. You must make room for it.
-Neale Donald Walsh

Tammy and I seem to be recreating ourselves every moment, and discovering new ways to work in this world. Today we went to Taos to talk with a business owner about how we could do business together. The intentions for the meeting began totally differently than they turned out. However, it was so beautifully synergistic that what came out of the meeting was nothing Tammy or I could have figured out before hand.

We are practicing the state of allowing instead of constantly doing. We're working with the ebb and flow of the energy around us. We go within, listen for the prompting and when it gets so strong that we can do nothing else, we go for it. But, our "going for it" takes a totally different look. We move forward from our hearts. Our hearts guide our words and our actions. Today was a beautiful example of being heart-centered and being fluid with our words. We let this business owner speak, and then we flowed with his direction. We repeated what we heard him say, and made sure we were flowing together. It was a downstream conversation that unfolded so beautifully that not only did we make business deals, but most importantly we made a new friend. We learned much about doing business in Taos and the beautiful things we can do together. It was lovely.

So, what Tammy and I are doing now is life brand new. And Neale's right in the above quote, we had to let go of the old to make way for the new. There was some screaming and biting nails, but we certainly let go of the old. We showed up in Taos ready to not only be these new creatures, but to open our hearts to all possibilities. To ALL possibilities. It was in the willingness to let it unfold that the new materialized. For me the trick has been to let go of the outcome. To lead with my heart, to feel the energy come from that place and then go to the person I'm with, and then allow the result to be whatever it is, to go wherever it goes, and unfold just as it will. Whether it looks like what I intended or not, is not the point. It's in having faith that whatever shows up is absolutely the perfect situation. No judging it; just enjoying the process and being grateful.

I'm not saying it's easy to let go of the old ways. Some of my old habits went down with a huge fight, and some of their remnants still remain, just a bit, but I keep releasing and letting go because more than anything else, I want to live my life from my heart and stop using my head for speculations and judgments. I want to allow my story to unfold seamlessly and enjoy the unfoldment with great relish.

I see how allowing events and people flow into my life has created a world for me filled with souls that have been waiting for this. Tammy has certainly been one such soul, and now we have this magnificent man that Tammy calls her brother, and I call my lover. We've been waiting a very long time for each other without even knowing it until we all showed up to play together. And next Taos... who else will join us then? It's a beautiful journey.

welcome home

home: a place where one likes to be


There were many definitions of home when I looked it up, but the one above is the one I'm referring to in this note. My home is wherever I am. It's not a building. It's where I reside in my heart. Tammy and I have been talking about living from the heart instead of the head, and today I'm living that fully. I choose to. I have been in this physical body for 54 years now, and I'm more than ready to be who I know I am. I am home. I am love. I am.

It's interesting to be coming from this heart-centered place and at the same time be with those in our surroundings who come from the head. I just don't know what I would do without Tammy living from the heart too. This world, this planet, this society, our American culture just is not taught to lead from the heart, and now that we have chosen this way to live, it's fascinating to see how it affects those we come in contact with.

We are learning to be very different than the world around us, the world who taught us to work hard, be corporate, strive for money, etc. We are creating from our heart. Our decisions are made from a place of love. Our words and our actions flow out of us from the space of compassion. It is all we have chosen to be now. It's also being constantly mindful of our thoughts before we say or do anything. It's being so present that we feel through our moments. We feel. We feel the energy of that love, that abundance, that true wealth. We feel.

Several years ago I had a reading from an amazing woman in Australia who told me that I would be living my life from a place that I had never been before. She said it would be as if I walked into the house and didn't know how to turn on the faucet or the lights because they would have switches like I've never seen before. I feel like I'm in that house now. I'm in unfamiliar territory, and yet, and yet, it is home. It's where I belong. It's me. It's everything I've been desiring. I walk through the house and may not know how to flip on the switch immediately but the ability to learn how to do it comes to me quickly. I know what I'm doing. I know how to do what I need to do. I just have to come from my heart to remember.

I am home.

being power

There are so many things I love about Tammy, and today I got to experience yet another one.


I had spent the day putting all of my art inventory online to sell. I had no idea I had that much stuff, still. It took me the whole day; my brain was fried; and I was exhausted. I got ready to take a walk but instead felt like going to bed. Tammy asked me what I was hiding from. I told her I wasn't hiding, just been in front of the computer and now my brain was mush.

She didn't buy it. She told me I was feeling that way to avoid facing the real stuff going on with me. (This is the part I had to work really hard at today to be able to love her.) I really just wanted to lie down and cover my head. I was just tired. Worked my ass off and now needed rest. She wasn't falling for any of it, so we took a walk.

You see, I have lots of references for working hard and not making any money. I did it for most of my adult life. I don't believe for a moment that working hard equals lots of money. What I really doubted was my own ability to provide for myself. Tammy asked me if I knew how powerful I really am. I didn't feel so powerful. I was tired. I was scared, and I just wanted to hide under covers.

Everything is energy, whether it's a man, money, or God. Same energy. What do I draw to me? If I can draw an exceptional man, I can also have more money than I can even spend. I know that I have to truly be intentional and authentic to keep this man in my life because he won't stay for anything less. So, I've made this sincere and insistent intention of not only having a man like this one in my life, but also the money, the business, the connection to my Source, and peace with it all. Well, to bring that in, I better up my game even more, and I discovered that today.

So, here we are walking in the dark. Tammy's looking at the stars, and I'm busting my hump to make a breakthrough with all of this because dammit! I am ready for all I want in my life. I want money for everything I desire. I want to hold conferences, workshops, lecture series, book signings, and events in our retreat center near Taos. I want the Honda Pilot to get me to and from there with ease. I want the ability to know, truly know, who I am and that I am capable of everything I desire in my life. I am that woman that can write those books, develop the curriculum for classes we want to teach, create the artwork for the labels for our raw foods, speak in front of crowds, and anything else I so choose to do. Not only do I know I can do all this, I know I already have. I just need to catch up with my future because there are so many people waiting for me.

I caught myself throughout the day thinking thoughts that didn't serve me, thoughts that I've had for most of my life. Limiting thoughts, thoughts of lack, and every time a thought like that would creep in, I would realize that I was feeling less about myself. I was distrusting my own capabilities. I was viewing myself as someone so much smaller than I really am.

Who am I not to have all that I want? Who says I can't have that retreat center outside of Taos? Who says?

Well, certainly not me. I'm surrendering and trusting that it all comes together because I know, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, who I really am, and all the doubters, the people who feel the need to "straighten" me out, will not be listened to. Their words fall by the wayside, and that includes any thoughts of my own that fit into that category. I deserve everything I want, and so does every single person on this planet. The Universe conspires to do good for us once we choose what it is we want.

People, people, I got to experience the most wonderful man in the world last weekend. I got to feel the deepest sense of peace. I opened my heart so willingly and lovingly to another being. If I can do that, not only can I do anything I desire, but so can you. We are the power behind everything we want to be, do, or have. We can create anything wonderful we so choose. God knows we've done wonders with creating lots of what we don't want, so let's just start focusing on the feelings of having what we do want.

And to be able to do that, we need to pay close attention to those thoughts that appear. For example, I was in the shower tonight after our walk, and getting a little nervous about our move to Taos, when a thought bolted in: Who are you not to have what you want? It was then that I realized that what I must do is be very mindful of the thoughts that come in, and embrace the ones that make me feel good and release all the rest. And then, really feel, I mean really get down deep into how it feels to have everything I want, and then let it go.

I am so looking forward to the magical unfolding of events as we move to Taos and set up all that we do for the next phase of our lives here. I am so grateful for all the people, the lessons learned, and the situations that have risen into fantasitc opportunities for us. This is the beginning, another one, and there will be lots more to come. As each one arises I'll be even more powerful than I was during the last one because I will have grown that much more into who I really am. Thank you, Universe! I love how you conspire to do good for me, and I hear all those doors banging open as I keep walking through.

feeling my way through life

My first trip to Taos was yesterday. My last time in the Colorado Rockies was almost two years ago. I know Santa Fe is in the Rockies too, but there is something about the proximity of the mountains in Taos that remind me so much more of my life in Colorado. The cloud formations, the color of the mountains in sunset, the aspens turning gold... There was something about Taos that made me feel like I was more home than in Santa Fe.


Let me see if I can describe this better because I know some people think I'm a flake flitting from one town to the next after having been in one place for most of my life. What I'm discovering about how I live now is that I fully come from my heart. I go where it feels really, really good, and sometimes that means that I move more often than I used to. So what? Maybe I'm not meant to plant myself again like I did while being married. God knows, I'm not meant for that kind of existence. I am loose and airy, flying easily where my heart leads. My head is so much quieter and my heart so much more open.

I see how the world operates. I see how people live and are considered to be "normal." I used to live that life myself. I used to have a mortgage or two, car loans, school loans, business loans, payroll taxes, unemployment insurance to pay... I remember those days very, very well, and now I don't live by a calendar that lists when all those bills are due. I don't go to bed at night wondering how to pay the expenses that overshot the income sometimes while the one overshooting snored beside me like a hibernating bear.

When I awake now, I lay in bed and feel into my morning. I feel the world I wish to create come into existence before putting my feet on the floor. I visualize those experiences I want in my life right now. I see Tammy's and my work affecting those around us. I see the home we live in with the gourmet kitchen fully stocked with everything we need to make our products. I see the people we work on and how peaceful they feel when their sessions are over. I see the men in our lives adding to the fullness we already have. I see the four of us getting along famously and thoroughly enjoying each other's company. I see us hiking in the mountains, soaking in the hot springs, and feeling the peace under the starlit sky. One man is drumming, the other's playing the flute, and we're stretched out looking at the stars, absorbing their music, and being grateful.

This is what I see. This is what I focus on, no matter what my eyes show me. The men are already here, and we are enjoying them tremendously. I can feel our new place. I can feel our happiness in how our business is growing and affecting others. I swirl in the peace of it all because it is the realest my life has ever been, and I surrender to how it unfolds, and trust that it is doing just that as I write this sentence.

And, while I just wrote that last sentence in the above paragraph, we just received a request by a local college to set up a work station there so that we could do sessions on students. This occurred after Tammy turned down an office position this morning, and I turned down a corporate position last week. It's amazing what happens when we trust, when we surrender, and when we are so very, very grateful for everything that has entered our lives. Wow, look out world The Tammy and Jill Show is here!! I feel the house, the gourmet kitchen, that large deck overlooking the mountains, the horses grazing lazily in the pasture, and those lovely, lovely men enoying sharing their lives with us!!! Woo hoo!!!! It's in the following of your heart that the Universe flings doors open. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.