I was reading postings on my FB wall when I came across this one shared by Cheryl Janecky. Interesting that I had just journaled about that very thing. I've made friends with a Lakota medicine man and have fallen in love with me all that more because there is no separation, except in my mind. He is peace. He knows who he is and knows the connection with us all. By knowing him, I know myself. By loving him, I love myself. With him there is quiet euphoria and the questions disappear when I truly lay myself open before him.
The difficulty I've had has been to be that laid out and honest, that authentic and purely open. I find myself running for cover in superficial conversations. Really, really? I say this is what I want, and he shows up, and I play less than? Is this what it means to be careful what you wish for?
I choose to step up and meet him where he is. I choose better for myself. I choose the best for myself, and right now it feels right to choose what he brings into my life. To match him, I must be authentic. To me that means that I must speak and feel from my heart, not my head. Stop myself before opening my mouth or doing anything, and listen within. What feels good? Respond to him, his energy, in kind. He speaks from his heart. He loves openingly. His eyes tell all. They are a sea of compassion, of kindness, and if that's what I see, then it's in me. We are one. The separation exists only in my mind, and when I get out of my head, I see the best parts of me. I see myself as unconditional love. I see myself as that compassionate being, that person that oozes loving energy. When I acknowledge who I really am, how can I be anything else? How can it be any different for you? We are made of the same fabric.
I sit here at this beautiful dining room table with dahlias overseeing my typing, small aircraft flying outside the window, and adobe houses lining the streets. I'm listening to Native American chants through my earbuds, and I'm flying high. In a previous life I would be chastising myself for wasting time not doing anything on my to-do lists. I don't have to-do lists anymore. My heart's in charge now. My heart is my guidance, my boss, my supervisor, my CEO. And because of that, I've attracted the most amazing people in my life. I've been given the opportunity to raise the bar over and over with how I show up in the world. I choose to keep raising it. I belong higher, and the higher I go the higher I want to go.
Someone told me that there was no reason for me to leave McKinney, Texas where I'd been living near her. She told me that I could have everything I wanted right there. She said I was running away from something, and I was taking myself with me. She told me that I would end up just in another place and still unhappy with myself and with the place. All I can say to that now is that I could have never experienced (and did not experience) any of this in Texas. There is an energy here like I've never experienced before. There are people here like I've never met before, and I have become someone I've never been before, and becoming even more the person I really want to be. The peace within is what I carry now. That is all I carry. I've gotten rid of everything else, and I keep encountering layers of what's not peace every now and then, and get the chance to remove it. I go deeper and deeper within. I excavate. I am quiet. I am silent. I sit on a boulder on a mountain soaking in the sun. I hear the ravens overhead. I see the hawks circling, and I come to know me even more.
There is no bank account, car, house, alcoholic drinks, person, lover, etc. that can bring to me the peace I have cultivated within. It wasn't until I became that peace, that love, that all-encompassing energy body that all these people showed up in my life. When I became what I wanted, I made room for these experiences of what authentic love looks like.
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