Just thinking...

There's just nothing like a porch and some chairs to get me to thinking. Really, it doesn't even take that. I think anyway, much to my chagrin. Thinking is way overrated. Thinking is truly the least productive thing I do. Thinking is what gets me into trouble most of the time. It leads me to judging people and coming to really stupid conclusions. Thinking trips me up when I'm in my studio. It prevents me from letting the flow of words come through easily or the creative ideas for fabric magic to occur.

The thinking that leads to conclusions then leads me to ending relationships. I am not one to hold onto baggage. I delete emails daily. I throw away easily, and I give away anything that hasn't been touched recently. I purge. I excavate and delineate. I think I must come from a long line of Shakers. I live simply and without clutter.

Now recent visitors to my studio may disagree with me, but if you only knew what I once held onto in my 1200 square foot studio, you'd know I had pared down greatly. Even the family I lived with in Steamboat would be surprised at how much I have purged.

I find that excess does not serve me well. I live lightly, unencumbered, unattached, and totally free to go wherever my heart leads. Right now it leads me here still in McKinney on the square with a new studio and a new place to sell my wares and my book. On the square. I love being able to say that. I wrote about a square in my novel and now I'm living that experience.

If it's all right now, all this moment ONLY, then how could I have possibly written it and then lived it? Didn't it all happen simultaneously?

I'm also discovering that all the men I've been with throughout my life are all interconnected. I look at one, and see another. I hear one's voice and hear another's. What does it mean? Because I think so much, I've come up with a conclusion. Since I'm the common denomenator, then all of them must be mirrors of me. Since I live in a universe that has this law of attraction, I must be attracting to myself physical reminders of all that I've been thinking.

This thinking that I've been doing has led to experiments that have led to changing my thinking, so that I concentrate more and more on only those thoughts that make me feel oh so good. This part has been fun. I've let go of more baggage. I've thrown away that suitcase that held my desire for control. I now have my hands free for enjoying the grip of an airplane yoke, the nubbiness of Dupioni silk, the soft texture of newly-washed puppy hair, and the absolute freedom of air flowing around and between fingers that have nothing to hold onto.

I've discovered how light air feels, and I don't give it much thought at all.

Is this a dream?

I've been working like a crazy person learning a new internet marketing program at the expense of all outside stimuli, and some inside ones like sleeping and eating. For whatever reason, yesterday evening I sat still on the couch. Suddenly I saw and felt waves of energy that were so thick they were palpable. I could "see" how everything around me was just energy waves undulating in rhythmic patterns flowing around me and through me. I had the most astounding visual of how we really are connected to everything we desire. I actually saw how the law of attraction works. I saw the offer waves I put out resonating with echo waves that formed interference patterns right before me, and everything I ever desired was always just right there, but since my attention had previously been elsewhere I could never see any of it until last night. I could reach out and feel the waves. I could see how my hand was just a light flowing through it all until an interference pattern was formed, and then poof! there was my flesh-covered hand. Amazing...

James Arthur Ray has been teaching this. I took his workshop on lucid dreaming last month, and last night it came together in such a beautiful way. It was visible and tangible to me. It was no longer just theory. It made sense. And the first "thought" that appeared was: this is the key to the kingdom. It's the moments where we're truly connected in a conscious way that brings to us what we want, not the jumping from one activity to another in a frantic pace.

Late last night instead of staying up on the computer, I went to bed and immersed myself in this energy. I laid there and felt it. I saw the workings of it. I saw my part in it. I felt the source. I mean I FELT it.

I must've fallen asleep, been in an altered state, or whatever, when a friend called me. When he began talking to me, I was listening to his words and felt his presence in the room. It felt as though he had always been there even though he was in another state. The more he talked, the more I realized that his experiences were mine. I saw no space between us. His words came out of my mouth. His thoughts were in my head. When my hand moved, it was his. I knew what he was going to say before he said it. I even said the same words that others had told him earlier that day. He told me experiences that I too had had in exactly the same way.

I knew he had always been with me as long as there has been a me. I heard his voice. I felt his touch, and I knew that there was no difference between him and me. We are one and always have been. There's never been anything else.

That's when I discovered what love really is. It is everything. There's nothing else but this infinite capacity to love because we are nothing but that. I felt for this man the most tranquilizing love that radiated from him to me enveloping us as one dynamic light. By loving him, I embraced all in me. I said yes to me when I opened my heart to him.

I don't know where this relationship is going. I do know that, besides my daughter, I've never felt this way about anyone, including myself. I know that this love that has erupted is genuine and everlasting no matter what it looks like in this dream called life. I know that right here and right now in this only moment that by loving this man so deeply, that I also love the deepest part of who I am because he and I are one.

In a few days we will be together physically, and truly I feel it is my obligation to the world to tell everyone to strap on their seatbelts because the love we express between us will absolutely rock the planet. It can do nothing less.