Monday, May 17, 2010

Just thinking...

There's just nothing like a porch and some chairs to get me to thinking. Really, it doesn't even take that. I think anyway, much to my chagrin. Thinking is way overrated. Thinking is truly the least productive thing I do. Thinking is what gets me into trouble most of the time. It leads me to judging people and coming to really stupid conclusions. Thinking trips me up when I'm in my studio. It prevents me from letting the flow of words come through easily or the creative ideas for fabric magic to occur.

The thinking that leads to conclusions then leads me to ending relationships. I am not one to hold onto baggage. I delete emails daily. I throw away easily, and I give away anything that hasn't been touched recently. I purge. I excavate and delineate. I think I must come from a long line of Shakers. I live simply and without clutter.

Now recent visitors to my studio may disagree with me, but if you only knew what I once held onto in my 1200 square foot studio, you'd know I had pared down greatly. Even the family I lived with in Steamboat would be surprised at how much I have purged.

I find that excess does not serve me well. I live lightly, unencumbered, unattached, and totally free to go wherever my heart leads. Right now it leads me here still in McKinney on the square with a new studio and a new place to sell my wares and my book. On the square. I love being able to say that. I wrote about a square in my novel and now I'm living that experience.

If it's all right now, all this moment ONLY, then how could I have possibly written it and then lived it? Didn't it all happen simultaneously?

I'm also discovering that all the men I've been with throughout my life are all interconnected. I look at one, and see another. I hear one's voice and hear another's. What does it mean? Because I think so much, I've come up with a conclusion. Since I'm the common denomenator, then all of them must be mirrors of me. Since I live in a universe that has this law of attraction, I must be attracting to myself physical reminders of all that I've been thinking.

This thinking that I've been doing has led to experiments that have led to changing my thinking, so that I concentrate more and more on only those thoughts that make me feel oh so good. This part has been fun. I've let go of more baggage. I've thrown away that suitcase that held my desire for control. I now have my hands free for enjoying the grip of an airplane yoke, the nubbiness of Dupioni silk, the soft texture of newly-washed puppy hair, and the absolute freedom of air flowing around and between fingers that have nothing to hold onto.

I've discovered how light air feels, and I don't give it much thought at all.

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