Wednesday, June 16, 2010

To Peter

I've had the most amazing week and a half, and I'm still here to talk about it. A whirlwind. An atomic blast. A tornado. And then a calm sea. Painfully, it took awhile for that calmness to show up.

I had a human experience that catapulted me into a black hole where I could do nothing more than surrender. It wasn't what happened to me that was so monumental; it was the craziness going through my head. Sweet jesus! How nuts could I make myself? So much so that I've had the runs for a week, and haven't eaten a full meal in that time either.

Something huge is headed my way. I can feel it. And I need to be made anew for the experience of it. I purged some very old, dry, unnecessary beliefs and flushed them down the toilet. What I know for sure right now is absolutely nothing. I awoke one morning feeling so fragile I thought I would break in two if someone looked at me funny, and then I got mad. I mean I got bursting at the seams mad because who I really am catapulted forth. I could see how huge and powerful I am, and how small I had been playing for so long. It was painful to be little and fragile and scared. It broke my heart open and love poured in.

I look at life with new vision now. I see the sacred in everything. I am in awe. I am grateful. I am so full of joy that it leaks out of my eyes.

I feel a change coming to me that is so big, so powerful, and so loving, that I had to grow to meet it. One of the things that came to me was words from a dear man on Facebook. I was crawling to the computer and using every spare ounce of energy I could muster to check the posts on my wall, when this showed up:

The primary purpose of everything created in my reality is only for it to be "experienced". The secondary purpose for any experience is the opportunity to learn a particular lesson that is unique to the experience "I" am having. It is MY experience and MY lesson...others have just agreed to play a part for us so we can "GET IT." When we don't "RESIST GETTING IT" we hold up the evolution of all participants.
--Peter Blake -- "The Drama to remove the virus and love being human"

It was just an experience I had. That's all. The others were just playing their part so I could GET IT. How cool is that? How grateful am I for their participation? Finally, the breakthrough after the breakdown. Thank you, Peter. I breathed. And I still just breathe. Ah... and then there is peace. I'm reveling in it. I'm soaking it in, and this time I GOT IT. Really. I feel it deeply. There's still remnants of old thought patterns but they're fleeting (and fleeing). Mostly, I sit and marvel at my body's resilience, my spirit's insistence in showing up and being known, and my mind's flexibility. At least one layer of armor has dropped away.

So, to Peter, thank you for your words that I bathe in right now. Thank you for being that mirror that reflects back to me pure, divine love. Not only can I feel it, but I can touch it. In my most genuine way, I thank you for being there for me.

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