Showing posts with label art. Show all posts
Showing posts with label art. Show all posts
Thursday, January 23, 2014
purple heart
Here's a little look at the latest wall hanging I put up on my new website, and here are some pictures to show closer looks at it.
The background is made from a tie-dyed sheet, I think. To tell you the truth, I just don't remember anymore. I just know that I've been repurposing fabric items since my Steamboat days in 2006. So much has happened since this piece was made that I can't recall all the particulars about the contents, except to say that all fabrics and batting are 100% cotton. Even the embroidery floss is hand dyed and made of cotton. The beads in the upper left are made from tie-dyed t-shirt scraps, and the wall hanging is extensively hand quilted and hand embroidered. The hearts are hand appliqued. Sometimes there is nothing I like more than doing handwork. The machine sometimes can be too fast for my slow-paced moments. Enjoy the look-see while I get back to creating some more.
Friday, November 19, 2010
at least 1000 words
After a long day at the store and at the gallery, I arrived home somewhere around nine tonight. I haven't been sleeping much, and I was dragging my ass through the house to get to my bedroom. I haven't been sleeping much lately because my brain is spewing all night long with ideas of what I can do with tie-dyed and/or batik fabric. Not just any tie-dyed and/or batik fabric, but Dan Leo's fabrics. I've been writing about him for a while without giving up his identity, but tonight when I got home, I got an email from him with these pictures and a short little note. He hopes these pictures are worth at least 1000 words.
Well, mister, you got it, and now that you sent me the pictures I'm blowing your cover!! Personally, I'd write across the sky if I could how I really feel about you, but there's not enough sky. So, I'll do what I can here.
First of all, I loved coming home tonight and finding your new pictures not only in my email but also the ones of your work on Facebook. I want everything you've ever made. I would love to be in a room in your house with all your fabrics and shirts and my sewing machine and boxes of threads and beads and batting. Your designs are so amazing, and I would love to get my hands on them. You ain't seen nothin' yet...
Something really cool happened today. When it occurred, I knew I wasn't in Kansas anymore. This really is Taos. I know you said that I had to stay in Taos, but I'm telling you I ache to work with you. I know it would be the highest high to stand next to you while we're playing with dyes and fabric. I have no doubt about that at all. Baby, we could rock the world with what we can do together. The world has never seen what we can do, but I've seen it plenty of times in my head. It keeps me awake at night. I sleep with my laptop now because I wake up with all these ideas and can't go back to sleep until they all get written.
Today while I was working in the store a woman from San Fransisco walked up to me and told me that if I would write every morning nonsensical words and read them backwards and forwards I would get the message about why I am here. (Now remember, I'm in Taos.)
She told me that at least by February it'll all be clear to me. It could happen sooner if I'd get busy writing like she told me to do every single day. I told her that I was collaborating with someone in New York with my artwork. I said that I thought I was going to be doing energy work in Santa Fe, but instead ended up in Taos doing art again. She just nodded and said, "Yes, that's right." She told me it was important for me to do that writing every single morning. I told her that I would, and she walked out of the store. As she walked down the hallway, she abruptly turned around and stood in the doorway. She said to me, "You're not staying in Taos, but you know that already." I told her that indeed I did know that. She said, "Look beyond the city lights." She smiled at me, and then said, "And you know what that means." I told her that I did, and then she left.
Then a man named Dave came in looking for information on one of the offices upstairs. We got to talking, and I eventually told him about Ms. San Fransisco and what she told me. He asked me if I felt in my heart that her words rang true for me. I said they did, and he said, "Then I'm going to leave you with this gift today." He reached across the counter and held my hand in both of his, and said, "When you hear something, look within. If it resonates with what your heart is telling you, then it is true for you." I told him that it was true for me, and he told me that what Ms. San Fransisco did for me was provide confirmation for all I had been feeling.
Well now, welcome to my world in Taos. Just another day at the office...
So, would you still kick my sweet butt back to Taos if I showed up in New York, in the town beyond the city lights? I feel that you and I are walking a path that neither one of us ever anticipated. Even though it's a dream come true, it still makes me shake a bit in my boots. I am bewildered. Really, Dan, I'm blown away by what's happening between us. And I am so grateful, so very, very grateful.
The thing is that I don't see any obstacles. There's this sense of knowing how right this is, and that it will all work out beautifully for everyone involved. This relationship is built upon deep unconditional love for each other. This is a brand new experience for me, especially when it comes to loving a man. It doesn't matter to me that you have 8,000 sons, or that you live a world away. The magic unfolds for us to be together. I am more sure about that than anything I've ever felt before. You and I are one. There's no definitive line where you end and I begin. I know that will become more apparent when we create together. We were born to be artists together. Oh my god, I'm weak in the knees just thinking about it. Dan, if I could just be in the same room with you while you do what you do to make what you make. If I could just watch you... If I could just be with you... Damn, I wish I had the right words to finish those statements, but what I do have are feelings, intense, amazing feelings for you and what you are able to do. I am humbled that you want me with you. I am privileged that you want to work with me, and I am so very grateful that you love me.
I'm going to have to come up with my own language for how I feel about you because there's nothing in English that comes close to what you mean to me.
Wherever you are, I am also. You are the air that I breathe and the ground on which I walk. And yet I know... Baby, I know with everything I am that I ain't waiting til March. Just sayin'...
Saturday, November 13, 2010
hitting the jackpot
I just built a roaring fire and am curled up in front of it with my laptop. The wind is blowing the wind chimes along the porches, and I can see the mountains outside the window. I spent the day at the store selling art and Fair Trade items. I got to listen to tourists' travels and their home lives. Some locals stopped by to give me some silk fabric and colored wire. And in my bag I brought my favorite hummus and carrot sticks for snacking. I was in heaven.
I spread out the silks, ripping them into strips and cutting them into circles. I took a spool of bright pink wire and began shaping them into figures. I've never done this before, and like magic the wire turned into recognizable people that I dressed with the strips of silk. I was pleasantly surprised how they turned out, and those working in the shops around me went nuts over them. How cool was that?!
I've discovered so many ways to make art without my regular supplies. For those of you who don't know, I've been collecting supplies since 1984 when I took up quilting. I also bought into a shop and accumulated a room full of supplies. When I built my house I had a 1200 sf studio on the top floor. For the first time I had a room just for notions, one just for my fabrics, and a large area for my sewing machines and cutting table. I had an entertainment area with stereo and tv with dvd/video player. I had shelves and shelves for my books, and closets full of beads, wires, jewelry-making tools, stamps, inks, paints, etc. If there was something on the market that I wanted, you can bet that it was in my studio pronto. I lacked nothing. I had it all. More threads than some stores even.
Then September 11, 2010 I moved to New Mexico with absolutely none of it. I sold a lot, gave a lot away, and left a lot with family and a dear sweet friend. (Thank you, Molly!) This has forced me into rethinking, recreating, reimagining how I can work with materials I have already or some I can find outside my house. That process alone has stretched me in ways I never thought possible. Today when I was shaping that wire, I had no idea I was capable of making wire look like human figures. Where did that come from? When I cut out dragonflies from magazines I free-formed them. I didn't draw them, I just cut. Was it all those years of thread painting with my sewing machine? I'm sure that has something to do with it, but I also know there's a lovely little place I go when I'm handed little treasures like I was today. I dip into the bags and just create with what I have. I get so much joy out of it that I think I could pop right out of my skin.
So after pricing my little gems and leaving them at the store, I got the kindest offer by a friend who took me to the grocery store so I can have my coffee in the morning. We talked for hours and then she took me home. What an absolutely amazing way to spend my day today. And then tonight while sitting in the living room by the fire, my neighbors came over with drinks, and we just got to know one another. They went home to fix dinner and as soon as I'm done here I'm joining them.
Now, here's another not so little thing that happened when I got home tonight. A dear, wonderful man read my previous postings on my blog and sent me private messages that so warmed my heart. I am one of the most blessed people I know, and I am so very, very grateful.
And just one last thing. On the walk to work this morning, a notion hit me. I wrote a novel years ago that just got published last year. In all the years that have passed since beginning this novel everything that happened to my main character ended up happening to me except ONE thing. And that one thing is coming to pass. You see, in the novel the main character is a woman named Grace. At the time I wrote the book Grace and I had two things in common: we both worked in our husbands' offices, and we both quilted. Grace did something dramatically different than I had ever tried at the time. She met a male artist back east, and he painted on fabric that she would sew together. When she returned home to her husband, that male artist sent her boxes of painted fabrics that she then created art with. That is the ONE thing that has not happened to me yet. However, on my walk to work this morning I realized the offer that a male artist made to me. He's sending me a box of fabrics that he's dyed. Here's something I never thought of when I was writing that book. This wonderful man who lives back east is not only sending me his dyed remnants but he's sending a batch of homemade cookies too!
And that, my friends, is what it's like to hit the jackpot!
I spread out the silks, ripping them into strips and cutting them into circles. I took a spool of bright pink wire and began shaping them into figures. I've never done this before, and like magic the wire turned into recognizable people that I dressed with the strips of silk. I was pleasantly surprised how they turned out, and those working in the shops around me went nuts over them. How cool was that?!
I've discovered so many ways to make art without my regular supplies. For those of you who don't know, I've been collecting supplies since 1984 when I took up quilting. I also bought into a shop and accumulated a room full of supplies. When I built my house I had a 1200 sf studio on the top floor. For the first time I had a room just for notions, one just for my fabrics, and a large area for my sewing machines and cutting table. I had an entertainment area with stereo and tv with dvd/video player. I had shelves and shelves for my books, and closets full of beads, wires, jewelry-making tools, stamps, inks, paints, etc. If there was something on the market that I wanted, you can bet that it was in my studio pronto. I lacked nothing. I had it all. More threads than some stores even.
Then September 11, 2010 I moved to New Mexico with absolutely none of it. I sold a lot, gave a lot away, and left a lot with family and a dear sweet friend. (Thank you, Molly!) This has forced me into rethinking, recreating, reimagining how I can work with materials I have already or some I can find outside my house. That process alone has stretched me in ways I never thought possible. Today when I was shaping that wire, I had no idea I was capable of making wire look like human figures. Where did that come from? When I cut out dragonflies from magazines I free-formed them. I didn't draw them, I just cut. Was it all those years of thread painting with my sewing machine? I'm sure that has something to do with it, but I also know there's a lovely little place I go when I'm handed little treasures like I was today. I dip into the bags and just create with what I have. I get so much joy out of it that I think I could pop right out of my skin.
So after pricing my little gems and leaving them at the store, I got the kindest offer by a friend who took me to the grocery store so I can have my coffee in the morning. We talked for hours and then she took me home. What an absolutely amazing way to spend my day today. And then tonight while sitting in the living room by the fire, my neighbors came over with drinks, and we just got to know one another. They went home to fix dinner and as soon as I'm done here I'm joining them.
Now, here's another not so little thing that happened when I got home tonight. A dear, wonderful man read my previous postings on my blog and sent me private messages that so warmed my heart. I am one of the most blessed people I know, and I am so very, very grateful.
And just one last thing. On the walk to work this morning, a notion hit me. I wrote a novel years ago that just got published last year. In all the years that have passed since beginning this novel everything that happened to my main character ended up happening to me except ONE thing. And that one thing is coming to pass. You see, in the novel the main character is a woman named Grace. At the time I wrote the book Grace and I had two things in common: we both worked in our husbands' offices, and we both quilted. Grace did something dramatically different than I had ever tried at the time. She met a male artist back east, and he painted on fabric that she would sew together. When she returned home to her husband, that male artist sent her boxes of painted fabrics that she then created art with. That is the ONE thing that has not happened to me yet. However, on my walk to work this morning I realized the offer that a male artist made to me. He's sending me a box of fabrics that he's dyed. Here's something I never thought of when I was writing that book. This wonderful man who lives back east is not only sending me his dyed remnants but he's sending a batch of homemade cookies too!
And that, my friends, is what it's like to hit the jackpot!
Friday, November 12, 2010
To Tammy
So, the day has passed. I'm now home alone as Tammy is with her boyfriend, and the owner of the house is in Santa Fe. I love this house. I love Tammy so much. She is the reason I'm in Taos. She is the reason I came to New Mexico at all. And something happened today that made me feel ties to Taos being cut. I could feel the cord being severed, and quite frankly I just want to land. I love it here, and at the same time I "see" myself somewhere else. Really? I just got a new job that I'm so excited about I can hardly stand it. I've made friends I want to see on a regular basis. I've given up a car, a phone, a lifestyle, my art/sewing supplies... I keep dropping baggage everywhere I go. I'm down to my panties really, and it feels like it's time to let those go too. (Oh, I can tell where some of my friends' minds just went...)
Whether or not I move is not the point. I feel the point to what happened today was about me being able to say yes to moving again. It was an experience that showed me that I'm not to have ties here either. Untethered, my new job description...
Tammy's not hanging with me much anymore. We both have jobs that take us to different parts of town, and she's with her boyfriend most other times. She's planted here. I thought I was too. I thought I was ready to put down roots here, and maybe I will, but it just seems that being attached to this place is not in my future (or my present). I'm whining. I'm bellyaching because I had expectations. Oh shit... When will I ever learn that lesson?
Once upon a time here in Taos I was dating a wonderful, amazing man, but even though he was the one who ended the relationship, I had no qualms about it. It has been very easy not seeing him anymore. I knew, I knew deep down, that there was nothing sustainable about a romantic relationship with him. I knew it. I felt it, and I am deeply touched to have had him in my life.
Then this afternoon Tammy and I were in a coffee shop with her boyfriend, and I was introduced to an acquaintance of theirs. Really fascinating guy whose conversation intrigued me. He sat closer to me. He leaned into me, and then he started talking about having us over for dinner. All of a sudden this awful feeling swept over me. I felt like I couldn't talk. I listened to them talk, and I wanted to flee. My throat was constricting as I stood up and put on my jacket. I told them that I had to scoot over to a friend's store to talk business. This very nice man asked if I'd come back another time and join him. I don't know what I said, and I'm not even sure that's what he said to me. As soon as I got outside I could breathe easier. I walked briskly away from there, and as I did I saw a picture flash through my head. Well, holy mother of God... I saw myself in New York with someone I met forty years ago.
Every day here in New Mexico has been a day of letting go of what I think I want or what I think it looks like or whatever else. There's this head and heart game I play every now and then, and today has been one of those times. My head says I want to stay here in Taos, work my jobs, play with my friends, and meet new people while doing art. I want to live in my house and just go about my life, simply with no fanfare, no extravagance, no great meaningful purpose. I just want to wake up in the mornings and greet the days with a smile on my face. I want to serve coffee and sell art. I want simplicity.
And then there's this heart thing... Yeah, yeah, yeah... God, it's got a loud voice that shuts up the head. I came here with Tammy to live from my heart. I came here with Tammy to open my heart wide and love authentically and transparently. I'm not sure how or when my heart opened up so easily to allow this man in, but I know that today I have surrendered to all possibilities. I have let go of Taos, and if I should stay here... Well, I'd be perfectly fine with that, and I also know that being tied to a place is not in the cards for me either.
I live a fuckin' crazy life. No one has to tell me that. I am well aware of it. It's crazy because it's heart-driven and there are no rules. I have seen this man for a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon in the last 36 years, and my heart is wide open to him. I didn't even do that with my husband and I was with him for 32 years!
I have to give Tammy so much credit for helping me through all of this. She's taught me so much about openly loving people. She has one of the purest hearts I've ever encountered, and to know that I'm willing to live somewhere else so far away from her is showing me how much I've grown since meeting her last June. Yep, you read that right. Tammy and I met just last June. Almost three months later I move to another state with her. And now I'm willing to consider another move -- down the road. Please, God, let it be way down the road. I'm just now standing on my own two feet again...
I love deeply. I love easily, and I love openly. Tammy, this one's for you. I am who I am today because of you. There is no one on this planet who knows me like you do, who has put up with me like you have, and who has loved me anyway like you have. Your sons and you are my family. I am blessed. I am privileged, and oh so grateful to be able to call you my sister. I miss you so much, and I am so happy for you. Your dreams are all coming true right here in Taos, something you've ached for. It's a lovely vision to watch, and thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of it.
It feels like I'm saying good bye, and I'm really trying not to do that, but something happened today. Something so tangible that I could physically feel myself being pulled away. As much as my head says no to anything else but Taos, my heart shuts out its blubbering. My heart wins. I'm untethered, and it could still mean years for me in Taos with you. Or not. It's the "or not" I'm wrapping my head around because my heart is loving the idea.
Whether or not I move is not the point. I feel the point to what happened today was about me being able to say yes to moving again. It was an experience that showed me that I'm not to have ties here either. Untethered, my new job description...
Tammy's not hanging with me much anymore. We both have jobs that take us to different parts of town, and she's with her boyfriend most other times. She's planted here. I thought I was too. I thought I was ready to put down roots here, and maybe I will, but it just seems that being attached to this place is not in my future (or my present). I'm whining. I'm bellyaching because I had expectations. Oh shit... When will I ever learn that lesson?
Once upon a time here in Taos I was dating a wonderful, amazing man, but even though he was the one who ended the relationship, I had no qualms about it. It has been very easy not seeing him anymore. I knew, I knew deep down, that there was nothing sustainable about a romantic relationship with him. I knew it. I felt it, and I am deeply touched to have had him in my life.
Then this afternoon Tammy and I were in a coffee shop with her boyfriend, and I was introduced to an acquaintance of theirs. Really fascinating guy whose conversation intrigued me. He sat closer to me. He leaned into me, and then he started talking about having us over for dinner. All of a sudden this awful feeling swept over me. I felt like I couldn't talk. I listened to them talk, and I wanted to flee. My throat was constricting as I stood up and put on my jacket. I told them that I had to scoot over to a friend's store to talk business. This very nice man asked if I'd come back another time and join him. I don't know what I said, and I'm not even sure that's what he said to me. As soon as I got outside I could breathe easier. I walked briskly away from there, and as I did I saw a picture flash through my head. Well, holy mother of God... I saw myself in New York with someone I met forty years ago.
Every day here in New Mexico has been a day of letting go of what I think I want or what I think it looks like or whatever else. There's this head and heart game I play every now and then, and today has been one of those times. My head says I want to stay here in Taos, work my jobs, play with my friends, and meet new people while doing art. I want to live in my house and just go about my life, simply with no fanfare, no extravagance, no great meaningful purpose. I just want to wake up in the mornings and greet the days with a smile on my face. I want to serve coffee and sell art. I want simplicity.
And then there's this heart thing... Yeah, yeah, yeah... God, it's got a loud voice that shuts up the head. I came here with Tammy to live from my heart. I came here with Tammy to open my heart wide and love authentically and transparently. I'm not sure how or when my heart opened up so easily to allow this man in, but I know that today I have surrendered to all possibilities. I have let go of Taos, and if I should stay here... Well, I'd be perfectly fine with that, and I also know that being tied to a place is not in the cards for me either.
I live a fuckin' crazy life. No one has to tell me that. I am well aware of it. It's crazy because it's heart-driven and there are no rules. I have seen this man for a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon in the last 36 years, and my heart is wide open to him. I didn't even do that with my husband and I was with him for 32 years!
I have to give Tammy so much credit for helping me through all of this. She's taught me so much about openly loving people. She has one of the purest hearts I've ever encountered, and to know that I'm willing to live somewhere else so far away from her is showing me how much I've grown since meeting her last June. Yep, you read that right. Tammy and I met just last June. Almost three months later I move to another state with her. And now I'm willing to consider another move -- down the road. Please, God, let it be way down the road. I'm just now standing on my own two feet again...
I love deeply. I love easily, and I love openly. Tammy, this one's for you. I am who I am today because of you. There is no one on this planet who knows me like you do, who has put up with me like you have, and who has loved me anyway like you have. Your sons and you are my family. I am blessed. I am privileged, and oh so grateful to be able to call you my sister. I miss you so much, and I am so happy for you. Your dreams are all coming true right here in Taos, something you've ached for. It's a lovely vision to watch, and thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of it.
It feels like I'm saying good bye, and I'm really trying not to do that, but something happened today. Something so tangible that I could physically feel myself being pulled away. As much as my head says no to anything else but Taos, my heart shuts out its blubbering. My heart wins. I'm untethered, and it could still mean years for me in Taos with you. Or not. It's the "or not" I'm wrapping my head around because my heart is loving the idea.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Life is but a dream -- again
I had a little exchange on FB yesterday that I thought was fascinating. It was with a man I met at a metaphysical party. This is a man who knows and sees the world as it really is -- waves of energy that we conform into our own experiences. Yet, yesterday he went on FB boo-hooing about his heart being broken because of failed expectations. Someone else didn't live up to what he thought they would. I realized that those crazy expectations have always been at the root of my own discontent. People don't need to live up to my expectations. Who am I to dictate how someone else should act? Hm...it got me to thinking how beautifully the universe gave me the experience to see what was in me that needed some tweaking. Thank you, Daniel, for playing your part. You did it beautifully. What an amazing ballet this dance called life is.
And that's all it is. It's just a dance of energies.
Yesterday morning I got a message from Abraham/Hicks about -- well, I'll just copy and paste it here, because there's no way I can paraphrase it and still get the magnificence of the meaning across.
"When you croak, Oh, you'll be abundant. You say - Then I'll hardly need the money to pay the rent will I? (laughter). And we say it is energetic anyway, you see. Stop counting it as money in your bank account and start counting it as emotion in your belly.
Start counting it as vibrational alignment. Start spending the real stuff of the universe.
Spend the thought, spend the clarity, spend the vibration. Come in alignment with the energy that creates worlds. This is energy that creates worlds that we are talking about. It is much much bigger than what you call your economy."
This is how I feel about my own life now that I'm immersed in the internet. I'm creating worlds. As a writer I always felt that. My characters spoke to me constantly. I saw their homes, their towns, and their friends. I lived there with them as the books were being written. Sometimes they still remind me that they're still here.
As an artist I would get images in my head of what needed to be expressed in fabric and paint and while working on the pieces I'd know who was sending me the ideas. It was never anyone I knew in the physical world.
So, I've looked at the dichotomy of my physical/intangible worlds here and realized just how much more magnificent and rich the intangible one is. Everything is at my command. The bank account is really in the universe, the energy that I'm connected to, not in a building. And what really is a bank account besides dots of ink on paper when it shows up in the mail? There's no little vault in a bank building with my name attached to it, saying that this is my money sitting in here. There's nothing but my information on computer screens in banks around the world. That's all it is. We trust day after day that when we drive up to the bank we will get what their pieces of paper says belongs to us. But lately, that's not so sure either.
What is real? What is the same for us all? What do each of us sees that's identical to everyone else's sight? Is there anything at all? And we get upset when others don't agree with us. Why should they? They live in their own world, not ours. They're here just for a moment to interact with us, so we can rearrange our own dreams to fit into a perception that works for us. And then something else happens and our perceptions spring leaks. We can see the flaws in those misconceptions too.
It's all just energy. Energy that flows in waves. It's never the same. It never stops moving. Then why do we think -- ever -- that things will be what we think they are? Our thoughts are just the masses of what we form after perceiving our own what ises. And then we discover what we thought was is, is not. Oops, there it goes again, like a helium-filled balloon in the breeze. It's not meant to stay. Change is constant. Truth is undulating patterns of perception. There is no black and white. There is only gray. By the time I finish this draft, my perceptions will be tested again, and found to not be true again.
So, why not just be? Why not stop the madness of perceiving anything as I think it should be? Because the madness is why I came here. Home is blissful all the time. I chose manic craziness. I chose amnesia upon my return here. What was I thinking? I was thinking from a whole different perspective apparently -- the one that I was always safe and loved and provided for, that nothing, absolutely nothing could be harmful and all was perfectly in alignment with my source. That's where I came from, and when I arrived here, I forgot all of it. And now on this journey, I'm slowly remembering. I'm remembering who I really am, and what an illusion it all is. It is truly just a dream -- over and over and over.
And that's all it is. It's just a dance of energies.
Yesterday morning I got a message from Abraham/Hicks about -- well, I'll just copy and paste it here, because there's no way I can paraphrase it and still get the magnificence of the meaning across.
"When you croak, Oh, you'll be abundant. You say - Then I'll hardly need the money to pay the rent will I? (laughter). And we say it is energetic anyway, you see. Stop counting it as money in your bank account and start counting it as emotion in your belly.
Start counting it as vibrational alignment. Start spending the real stuff of the universe.
Spend the thought, spend the clarity, spend the vibration. Come in alignment with the energy that creates worlds. This is energy that creates worlds that we are talking about. It is much much bigger than what you call your economy."
This is how I feel about my own life now that I'm immersed in the internet. I'm creating worlds. As a writer I always felt that. My characters spoke to me constantly. I saw their homes, their towns, and their friends. I lived there with them as the books were being written. Sometimes they still remind me that they're still here.
As an artist I would get images in my head of what needed to be expressed in fabric and paint and while working on the pieces I'd know who was sending me the ideas. It was never anyone I knew in the physical world.
So, I've looked at the dichotomy of my physical/intangible worlds here and realized just how much more magnificent and rich the intangible one is. Everything is at my command. The bank account is really in the universe, the energy that I'm connected to, not in a building. And what really is a bank account besides dots of ink on paper when it shows up in the mail? There's no little vault in a bank building with my name attached to it, saying that this is my money sitting in here. There's nothing but my information on computer screens in banks around the world. That's all it is. We trust day after day that when we drive up to the bank we will get what their pieces of paper says belongs to us. But lately, that's not so sure either.
What is real? What is the same for us all? What do each of us sees that's identical to everyone else's sight? Is there anything at all? And we get upset when others don't agree with us. Why should they? They live in their own world, not ours. They're here just for a moment to interact with us, so we can rearrange our own dreams to fit into a perception that works for us. And then something else happens and our perceptions spring leaks. We can see the flaws in those misconceptions too.
It's all just energy. Energy that flows in waves. It's never the same. It never stops moving. Then why do we think -- ever -- that things will be what we think they are? Our thoughts are just the masses of what we form after perceiving our own what ises. And then we discover what we thought was is, is not. Oops, there it goes again, like a helium-filled balloon in the breeze. It's not meant to stay. Change is constant. Truth is undulating patterns of perception. There is no black and white. There is only gray. By the time I finish this draft, my perceptions will be tested again, and found to not be true again.
So, why not just be? Why not stop the madness of perceiving anything as I think it should be? Because the madness is why I came here. Home is blissful all the time. I chose manic craziness. I chose amnesia upon my return here. What was I thinking? I was thinking from a whole different perspective apparently -- the one that I was always safe and loved and provided for, that nothing, absolutely nothing could be harmful and all was perfectly in alignment with my source. That's where I came from, and when I arrived here, I forgot all of it. And now on this journey, I'm slowly remembering. I'm remembering who I really am, and what an illusion it all is. It is truly just a dream -- over and over and over.
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