energy experiments

I love playing with energy. I work with it all day long. I use it to create my world. You do too, but you probably aren't so conscious of it, or maybe you are.

I've been having the most extraordinary experiences with men and their energies. As a matter of fact, just writing about it is revving up my motor. And now, I have access to computerized technology that can calibrate how this energy affects my body.

If you haven't guessed yet, I'm talking about how making love with a man energetically affects my body. I've had a couple of men volunteer for the job, quite readily, I might add, and they both do extraordinary jobs.

Thankfully, one of them texted me with what he does to make love to me energetically. Our conversation went like this:

Him: It's all about setting intent and channelling the energy effectively to produce a rhythmic pulse of sensual intensity.

Me: What did you experience?

Him: The initial twenty minutes of focusing on you, finding you, then visualizing the experience, then into sleep and the dream of you - the experience magnified and colored by the freedom of the dreamworld... Then finally waking and feeling more strongly energized than for days.

Me: Wow... I still feel you on me and in me. Woke up feeling that way. For me it was pure pleasure of feeling every inch of me being caressed. A very LOVING experience, not about sex.

Him: Yes, that sounds right... I still feel the connection... Sex may form part of the vessel through which the energy is carried but it is the experience of closeness and connection that is delivered which is relevant and still present.

Me: I felt like I was being kissed all over my face and that is something very new. The energy was so loving and real and when I woke up this morning the first thought was: I have been well loved.

So, why am I interested in playing with energy like this? Because I'm discovering more and more that my energetic world is creating my physical one. When I play in the energies that feel good, it's amazing what shows up in my physical world.

I've seen how this trail has created lovely interactions in my life lately, the most noticeable one being that men are showing up in droves. I come from a place of already having a man/men in my life. Energetically I feel men all day long, and in my physical world they come. I get phone calls, text messages, Facebook messages, emails, dates, etc. all day long from men, lovely, attentive, gorgeous men. When I go out, men I've never met before buy me drinks and dinner. This has never happened to me before. Never. When you change within, the outside changes. And what I've changed is how I feel about myself. I feel love for myself, and I feel so very loved by others.

That's what I want to impart in this blog. That by paying attention to our energy and creating passionate relationships with ourselves and others, we create that same passionate experience in the physical. It may not show up the same way, but believe me it shows up. When I have nights like I've described here, I awake with peace. I open my eyes to a life filled with unconditional love. Nights like I've described here are done with unconditional love for another being. It's an experience of not only being one with another, but being all there is. It's not only opening your heart to another, but also trusting the other implicitly. It's surrendering to all and allowing another to merge with your very essence and create something new together.

Sex is sex is sex, and how wonderful it can be. Don't get me wrong. There's definitely a time and a place for it, but what I also know is that there is something so eternal when merging two souls. There is something so incredibly powerful when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and lay your absolute finest in another's hands and heart. It is then that you get to know who you truly are. The essence of your very core comes through and gets to play with another, and by so doing that, you expand into someone you came here to be.

feels like home

I just finished doing an energy session, and the most prominent feeling I got throughout the whole session was for me to surrender, to just let go of everything. I feel like I've got that mastered until something else comes along in my life, and wham! I learn how badly I suck at surrendering.

I want to be this enlightened master, this totally detached observer of life. And I can do it for a while and then the human Jill kicks in and wants something. Right now I want to be with someone in Colorado. Last night I told him what I really wanted in a relationship. My first time ever to stand up to a man and say exactly what I wanted. It was huge for me. I had always settled before, but with him it feels like it's too important, too substantial to want anything less than the absolute best it can be between us. Yay, Jill! I stood up for myself, and he honored that. He listened. He told me how he felt. He told me everything he could. And again, it was the first time I had that experience from a man. He didn't run, and neither did I.

Then this morning I let him know how I was feeling him energetically, how I could feel this deep connection between our souls, our truest essences. I could feel it so intensely that I couldn't tell where he began and I ended. It was a swirling of the truest sense of oneness. It was so beautiful and calming and home. I knew that however our relationship turned out, I would be better because of it, and so would he. I felt warm and fuzzy and cozy and just so good all over.

And then the day wore on, and so did I. I haven't heard from him since 12:30 my time, and it's now almost 6:30. I think this is the longest stretch of time we've gone without communicating, and I'm not enjoying this so much. I am missing him terribly, and I hate that. Because you see, I do energy work. I've worked with shamans since 2006. I've done a lot of work on myself through workshops, books, seminars,etc. I know better, and it really just pisses me off sometimes when I just can't stay in that enlightened and lovely state. Well, fuck it! I'm human too. I have this human body that longs for being held by this man. I ache to hear from him. I imagine him in his home working on his computer, fixing his dinner, getting ready to go work out, sitting on his deck, and I long to join him.

So there, I've said it. I am enlightened. I am awake, and I've given up drinking the Kool-Aid, but every now and then I just want to be held and touched and loved on. Every now and then I miss hearing from him. And really does any of these desires make me any less enlightened? Or are they times that my human body just wants some attention? When I was in communication with him on a much more regular basis, it was fun. I smiled more, definitely laughed a lot, and so looked forward to flipping my phone open and seeing what he sent to me. It made my days and nights lighter and happier. I miss his texts, his sense of humor, and the smiles all of it brought to my face.

So, how did I do standing up for what I wanted? I'm glad I did. I altered the playing field quite a bit. I deserve to get what I want, but what I discovered today was that if I was going to ask him to do what I desired in a relationship, then I had to do the same. Not that he asked me to, but because when I change me, I change everything. I want the best in my life. I want the best for me, and what I've experienced with him so far has been the best I've ever had. I don't want it to end. I want it to be even better for both of us. Being in a relationship with him has upped my game. I want to be a better person because he's in my life. And what it means for me to have it all is to be able to love him completely without losing myself and to allow both of us the latitude to be who we truly are without judgments or attachment to outcomes.

I recognize in him a place that feels like home, a place that's comfortable and safe, and as I found out, a place where I can pee freely. I just think going 6 hours without any texts from him is just too long. Just sayin'...

Simple magic of a soft wand

These words keep echoing in my head. When I was first told these words, they seemed wrong, but I knew they were absolutely perfect.

I have recently been introduced to Harry Potter movies and after seeing them all, wands don't seem so soft to me at all. However, after studying quantum physics a bit I can only see them as soft. Wands to me are just the energy used to create my universe. Energy is malleable, flexible and sometimes not seen with the physical eyes at all. How can it not be soft?

Here's how it's been explained to me. We are all energy. Everything is energy. We create interference patterns in our energy fields when what we're offering meets up with what's echoing. Offer waves meet echo waves and create interference patterns that are dense enough for us to see and feel, smell and touch. Our waves are intensified by our feelings. The stronger we feel about something or someone, the stronger the offer wave becomes. However, every time we second guess ourselves or throw in a modicum of doubt, it throws the offer wave a bit and there goes the echo wave we wanted to match with.

Energy. Vibration. Feelings.

I'm 53 years old and I'm learning a new way to live. None of this was taught to me in school. The past I choose to focus on right now is one where I was a Catholic school girl with three brothers growing up in the 60s and 70s. So, to say this "new" way of creating is a bit different for me is an understatement, and yet it's the clearest, the easiest, and the most comfortable I've been in this lifetime. It's home to me. It's as if I'm finally recognizing who I really am and what my true potential really is.

I am scrapping all, and I do mean all, that I've ever been taught, bribed, and coerced into doing and believing. I am like a snake shedding its skin. I am being transformed yet again, entering a new phase of being. I'm learning what doesn't work for me and surrendering to all that shows up in my life, knowing and trusting that it is exactly as it needs to be.

The judgments that I've so honed into in the past, all the dos and don'ts of my upbringing and of a stifling marriage are being discarded. They are sloughing off with ease, and I'm just standing here cleaner and fresher than I was before the shedding process.

Am I done with the transformation? Absolutely not. I'm transforming at the moment, getting ready for the next one, and then the next one, and then the next one. I know that the more I know the less I know. I know that the more I question, the more questions there are and the fewer answers that exist.

So, my simple magic of a soft wand is being still, is feeling the feelings of what makes me feel good, and seeing the life that makes me feel good, and then knowing, knowing beyond any doubt, that what I so desire is making its way to me. It's been waiting for me to be ready for it, and whatever it looks like is absolutely perfect.

It's that simple.

There are now words...

At the James Ray event in CA last week, James talked about how we see only 5%. The other 95% is dark matter, according to the Big Bang Theory in Quantum physics. And what we can see is connected by all this dark matter, so there is nothing we are not connected to. Whatever we put our attention on, is what we create. So one of my friends from last week and I did an experiment last night. We had energetic sex. Is that what you call it? Personally, I'm not sure there are words to describe it. This I know for sure: I had an amazing time, a sumptuous orgasm, and swam in the heavens. And he was in another state (geographically speaking).

Think about it. If there is nothing we're not connected to, then we're already connected to everything we want. There is no need for wanting. What if we can consciously connect to this energy on a regular basis and feel all of our heart's desires? What if we do this all the time? For one thing, we'd see the world without competition. There would be no need for greed or lack. We already have it all, and there's enough for everyone at all times. There's no need to miss someone -- they are with you. Do you get that?

James talked about another concept -- vertical time. Everything happens in the now. There's only now. So, all you've ever wanted to do or wished you hadn't done is happening now. It's all now. It's only now. See if you can wrap your head around that one. There are many universes. You put your attention on one of them and that's the one you get to play in for the moment. You don't like the one you've chosen? Then change your focus. Don't get caught up in what appears to be happening. Pay attention to only that which you want. It's a beautiful concept, but so many of us get tripped up on it. (I'm speaking from my own experience.)

So, I have this conversation with my friend who lives in another state. We tell each other how we would like to be together physically, but until we are, what would it be like to be together at the same time energetically, and do it on a conscious level?

We chose 11:00 at night, just a few minutes after our conversation. I needed to finish up some last minute work items, but suddenly noticed that I couldn't concentrate on them. My computer shut down and my head felt light. When I laid down washes of energy floated above me and then into my whole body. They danced with my own energy field and it was ecstatic.

What else can be done with this energy field? The possibilities are limitless. What does this mean for how we see our worlds? And how we live in them? There are no words...