Wednesday, November 17, 2010


‎"What really counts is to strip the soul naked. Painting or poetry is made as we make love; a total embrace, prudence thrown to the wind, nothing held back." Joan Miro

Last night after a long day in the studio, getting ready for bed, and propping my laptop in front of me, I read these words. I have longed for a man in my life who felt just like that, and much to my pleasure this was posted by a man I adore. I was trying to explain to him how different our relationship is than anything I've ever had, and this morning the word came to me: sacred. What we have together I cherish. I see it and feel it as sacred.

He showed up in my life again when I was ready to hold nothing back, to strip my soul naked. I've done just that with him. It feels like the only thing to do, to be that transparent. It is that safe with him to bare all and know I'm still loved. Sacred. This is sacred.

In the movie, As Good As It Gets, Jack Nicholson tells Helen Hunt, "You make me want to be a better man." I always loved that line. As a novelist, I love hearing great lines spoken, and as a woman who has longed for a man that can be so heartfelt, that sentiment has always made me weak in the knees. Now that I've shared intimate moments with a man who expresses himself like he does, I know firsthand what it feels like. I know that deep connection that's been there all along and just been waiting for that person to physically show up. I know I've carried that connection with me forever because when he showed up in McKinney, Texas to see me, my life as I knew it was over. And the very best in me was revealed.

Crazy has turned into peace. Doubts into knowing, and love has shown up as sacred. I am in awe of this man. I am in awe of how it feels to think about him. It's as if I've never been with a man before, and in a way I haven't. I've never allowed a man in like this, and probably because it was never the right man.

Every moment I think about him, I am so very grateful that I've experienced all that I have because it's brought me to now. Everything's grown me to who I am right now, and right now I've grown into the woman he wants in his life. Every single heartache, tear shed, wailing and gnashing of teeth has been worth it. I would do it all again knowing that it would lead me right back here to right now with him in my life. 

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