Monday, September 20, 2010

No one's eaten me yet...

Today is the first day of finally being totally in Santa Fe. Tammy and I had to make a sudden trip back to McKinney for the last of our things. I gave up a lot of my stuff because there just wasn't the room for it. However, what I learned from that experience is more detachment. More letting go. I'm discovering over and over how little material things mean to me. I have finally let go of absolutely everything materially and in relationships. That was the really tough one, but have discovered that the only way for me to move forward in my own way, from my own heart and no one else's was to do what felt right for me. It has been met with so much criticism and judgment. I've been called a lot of things by those who I thought loved me the most.

Well, new lesson for me. Love those! So, I'm here in the Land of Enchantment blessed by more than I thought possible. The more I choose to let go of, the more that comes my way. I've made new family already here. The first place we entered welcomed us to the Mother ship, and the second place became our second home. It's a little coffee shop with the best coffee in the world. The first sip gave me an orgasm, and the owner was thrilled to hear it! He asked me to write a review using those words exactly, and he told me just now that friends and customers have loved the review. Well now, I'm certainly not in McKinney anymore.

I am a woman who speaks from the heart, and those words come unscripted a lot of times. I had no idea that life could be so open and honest and lovingly accepted like it is here. I was given a homemade copper necklace by the coffee shop owner, Dave, today. A welcome home present. I am home. Home for now as McKinney was home to me at one time too.

I've been accused of being flighty, and I can certainly see why people think that, but the way I see it is that my life shifts so quickly that what is true for me one minute gets altered the next. I'm learning to be flexible, light, and easy to move. I don't know how long I'll be here. I don't know all the things that I'll be doing while here or all of those I'll be doing it with, but what I do know is that I lead from my heart. I'm not constricted by what I own or owe, not by who I love or who loves me. I am free and mobile, and for the first time in my life open to all possibilities. I'm learning this lifestyle requires a lot of courage. I've learned to let go of relationships that I thought were solid. I've learned to just let go. White-knuckling it has just been an illusion. My feet have always rested on the ground while my fingers were clinging to the edge of the cliff. It wasn't until I let go that I felt how solid the ground really is.

I'm here in a new place with lots of new people and new adventures. There are certainly moments of being scared. I'm not going to lie about that, but I breathe through them and what shows up on the other end is just magical. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone's. I love everything about what's in front of me right now, including being scared at times. I step forward anyway. No one's eaten me yet...

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