Today's been another one of those breaking-my-heart-open days. Oh god, how many tears can possibly be left? Yesterday I got a message titled: Bless Your Lovers. Hm, I took it to heart, and connected with some of them.
"From inside this vortex of creation, you will look back on this contrast that created it, and you will love it.
Bless you, lover, lover, other lover, other lover, other lover, other lover, other lover, other lover, other lover, other lover!
Bless all your lovers who have left me behind.
Bless all you who cheated and lied. Bless all who stole from me, who robbed me of my virginity. (Just that ONE!)
Bless you, bless each and every one of you for you were the catalyst for this. And now I am over here, [in the Vortex] I'm blessing you. But when I am over here [outside the Vortex] I'm damning you.
We say you can't have it both ways. The only reason you are damning them to begin with is because they helped you become something you are not letting yourself be.
If you hadn't expanded big time, you'd not be suffering in your not keeping up to speed, do you get that?
So you just got to come to the place where you are willing to appreciate all of them. But we would never ask you to find appreciation for those rascals when you are standing outside your Vortex.
That is too much work! Get in your vortex. GET IN YOUR VORTEX!
And to do that, you've got to forget about the rascals. You've got to find something else to focus on, something neutral, something non toxic, something that is not an issue, something that hasn't been hurting you...
You gotta chill and relax and release and meditate and breathe and walk and ski and surf and bask and sunbathe and relax and sing and love and laugh.
Nurture yourself and eat good stuff and find better and better feeling thoughts and practice them until they become the norm. And then EVERYTHING that life has caused you to become must manifest into your experience!"
What a trip it's been! I've actually reconnected with some I thought I'd never speak to again. Looking back on them, I have to say that each and every one opened my eyes to something I hadn't been willing to look at before. Each and every one opened my heart even more so that I could fall in love with myself because that is by far the most important relationship in my life. The one I have with myself. It will be when I am whole and complete in myself that the man of my dreams will show up. Every person in our lives is a mirror to us, and every lover I've ever had was reflecting back to me what I needed to clean up in myself. I'm cleaning and excavating and purging today, let me tell you. This has been a tough week, but I'm planning on arriving in Santa Fe the person I desire to be, the one who is able to attract a man that is truly authentic, connected, and needing nothing, but wanting it all. There will be no disconnecting, because we'll both be coming from the place of being whole and complete in ourselves. That means that what we bring to the relationship is icing on the cake because we won't have any needs, just luscious, delicious desires of experiencing life and each other to the fullest. Bring it on!