Wednesday, October 6, 2010

feeling my way through life

My first trip to Taos was yesterday. My last time in the Colorado Rockies was almost two years ago. I know Santa Fe is in the Rockies too, but there is something about the proximity of the mountains in Taos that remind me so much more of my life in Colorado. The cloud formations, the color of the mountains in sunset, the aspens turning gold... There was something about Taos that made me feel like I was more home than in Santa Fe.

Let me see if I can describe this better because I know some people think I'm a flake flitting from one town to the next after having been in one place for most of my life. What I'm discovering about how I live now is that I fully come from my heart. I go where it feels really, really good, and sometimes that means that I move more often than I used to. So what? Maybe I'm not meant to plant myself again like I did while being married. God knows, I'm not meant for that kind of existence. I am loose and airy, flying easily where my heart leads. My head is so much quieter and my heart so much more open.

I see how the world operates. I see how people live and are considered to be "normal." I used to live that life myself. I used to have a mortgage or two, car loans, school loans, business loans, payroll taxes, unemployment insurance to pay... I remember those days very, very well, and now I don't live by a calendar that lists when all those bills are due. I don't go to bed at night wondering how to pay the expenses that overshot the income sometimes while the one overshooting snored beside me like a hibernating bear.

When I awake now, I lay in bed and feel into my morning. I feel the world I wish to create come into existence before putting my feet on the floor. I visualize those experiences I want in my life right now. I see Tammy's and my work affecting those around us. I see the home we live in with the gourmet kitchen fully stocked with everything we need to make our products. I see the people we work on and how peaceful they feel when their sessions are over. I see the men in our lives adding to the fullness we already have. I see the four of us getting along famously and thoroughly enjoying each other's company. I see us hiking in the mountains, soaking in the hot springs, and feeling the peace under the starlit sky. One man is drumming, the other's playing the flute, and we're stretched out looking at the stars, absorbing their music, and being grateful.

This is what I see. This is what I focus on, no matter what my eyes show me. The men are already here, and we are enjoying them tremendously. I can feel our new place. I can feel our happiness in how our business is growing and affecting others. I swirl in the peace of it all because it is the realest my life has ever been, and I surrender to how it unfolds, and trust that it is doing just that as I write this sentence.

And, while I just wrote that last sentence in the above paragraph, we just received a request by a local college to set up a work station there so that we could do sessions on students. This occurred after Tammy turned down an office position this morning, and I turned down a corporate position last week. It's amazing what happens when we trust, when we surrender, and when we are so very, very grateful for everything that has entered our lives. Wow, look out world The Tammy and Jill Show is here!! I feel the house, the gourmet kitchen, that large deck overlooking the mountains, the horses grazing lazily in the pasture, and those lovely, lovely men enoying sharing their lives with us!!! Woo hoo!!!! It's in the following of your heart that the Universe flings doors open. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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